from now on I’m going to convey sarcasm over the internet by typing like this
oh wow look how sarcastic that looks
that actually does look really sarcastic though. this is revolutionary
DEAR GOD SOMEONE HAS INVENTED THE SARCASM FONT THIS IS A TIME FOR CELEBRATION
wow congrats
(via agirlnamedcactus)
Yeah I think the joke might be falling
This would probably be a lot funnier if I could read sheet music
It’s no one else’s fault that you aren’t that
THIS IS MY FAVORITE POST ON TUMBLR
(via d33bear)
• Accidentally close a tab? Ctrl+Shift+T reopens it.
• Bananas release dopamine, eat them when you’re sad.
• CTRL+SHIFT+ESC is the one handed version of CTRL+ALT+DEL
• Don’t brush your teeth hard, it makes them sensitive and removes enamel.
• Don’t like spiders? Put citronella oil on your walls and they will not go there.
• Drink one glass of water for every alcoholic drink you have, you’ll get drunk without getting a hangover.
• Get clear ice cubes by boiling water before freezing it
• Heal paper cuts and immediately stop the pain with chapstick.
• If you accidentally write on your dry erase board with a permanent marker, scribble over it with a dry eraser marker to remove it.
• If your shoes smell, put them in the freezer overnight, it will kill the bacteria.
• Make bug bites stop itching with a banana peel.
• Make a paper longer with 12-point text, but 14-point periods and commas.
• Need to get around a blocked website at work? Try replacing the http:// with https://
• Never send your resume as a word file (unless asked) Instead, print it to a pdf file, it’s much cleaner and professional looking.
• Pick a flavor of gum you don’t normally chew, and chew it while studying during a test.
• Place a piece of bread in a container with your homemade cookies and they will stay soft.
• Put a dry towel into a dryer with wet clothes, they will dry faster.
• Put toothpaste on a pimple and it will dry out.
• Practise fake smiling in the mirror every day before going to work/school, you’ll genuinely start to feel happier.
• Rub canola/olive oil on knives before cutting onions, you won’t cry, alternatively chew gum and you won’t either.
• Short on time with a wrinkled dress shirt? Hang it up in the bathroom to steam it flat.
• The night before, place things you don’t want to forget the next morning on top of your shoes.
• Use hydrogen peroxide to remove blood stains from clothing.
• When cleaning windows use newspapers or coffee filters instead of paper towels, they will not leave streaks.
• When microwaving bread products/pizza put a glass of water in with it, it will keep your bread for going spongy.
• When you move into a new place you’re renting, take pictures of any and all damage, then post them on facebook (privately if preferred) so you can use the reference date as proof you didn’t do it.
• When searching plane tickets online delete your cookies prior, prices go up when you visit a site multiple times.
(via flyingbutt)
omg im gonna do this with my kids for every grade until they finish high school and they will hate me for it but love me for it when theyre 70
LOOK HOW MUCH THEY FREAKING GROW UP, GUISE.
(via agirlnamedcactus)

Oscar-Winning Django Unchained, by Quentin Tarantino.
This is my new favourite thing ever.
(via br0cahontas-)
*drops food on floor*
germs: go get it! quick!
king germ: no.. we must wait 5 seconds.. it is the rule
(via yourunlikelyhero)
This is, and forever will be, one of my favourite movie scenes ever.
Motherfucker do you comprehend the intensity of that scene? Do you?
They pictured the feeling of tasting something that takes you way fucking back in time and makes you remember a certain moment of your life, a taste so comforting that makes you remember how happy you were back then.
MOTHER FUCKING PIXAR.
AND THE THING IS
OUT OF ALL OF THE THINGS THAT COULD HAVE IMPRESSED EGO
IT WAS A SIMPLE DISH THAT WAS CONSIDERED A ‘PEASANT’ DISH.
FUCKING PIXAR YO.
(via livelongnsmile)
- grandma: DO YOU WANT AN APPLE
- me: no thanks grandma
- grandma: HERES YOUR APPLE
My dad at 29, me at 2 weeks. Me at 29, my boy at 2 weeks.
this has got to be the best thing i have seen on tumblr so far, i love this way too much.
(via suspectatom)












